This is a story of a girl

I was 9.

Like any normal girls my age, I like playing with dolls, reading books and going to school. I have always been scared of the dark and I hate it when night comes. Being pary of a big, lower-middle class family, I have to share everything with my siblings. We slept in one room, wear hand me down clothes from my sister, get second hand toys from cousins and do the housework with the rest of the family.

At this age, everyone is saying that I was a weird girl. I prefer to be alone most of the time and stay on my hiding place, my safe place. Its a small window that I can go inside and close around me. Here, I take all the books I can get and read alone.

I never played with anyone, I like being alone. I hated everyone because I feel like I am alone. No one is there to protect me at night. As a normal girl, I was taught that I should pray every night before I sleep and every morning when I wake up.

I pray everyday, but no one is helping. The monster still comes to me every night. He still do the bad things and no one is helping me. And I always feel like they knew and they are not doing anything about it.

I hated everyone… but suicide is a sin.

Grandma has always said that no matter what, killing yourself will send you to hell. And that scared me. I don’t want to burn, but I also feel very bad with what is happening to me.

I got distant from everyone. I trusted no one and kept my anger and pain inside me. And I promised, I will go far and if I can I will kill that monster. And I kept on living distantly from everyone. No one can ever help you, you alone can help yourself.

Now, I am 16.

I got the chance to leave, was given a second life to study far away and I grabbed it. I have a plan. I will go far and will never come back.

Now at 25, I am stronger and smarter but I have been thinking. Did I make the right choice? Should I have trusted my sisters and parents? Should I have told them what my brother, the monster did to me? Would telling them might have changed anything?

I really don’t know. All I know is that monsters are everywhere, preying on everyone.

And I was just a girl.. And this is my story


Why I want to write…

My blog is very new. I have been thinking of starting a log for a long time now.

My reason? Mostly, I need an outlet for my ideas, emotions and thoughts. Living far away from home, with no friends and being a housewife, is not easy at all. You have no outlet and makes you have too much in your head that sometimes you will think your brain will explode.

Writing for me now is like having a friend who would listen to me and when I reread what I have done, it opens up my mind, making me see what I truly feel and what I can do about it.

I have seen that the possibilities are endless. Online blogging makes us have the freedom we’ve never had. Freedom to say what is on your mind, truthfully and baring yourself to the world.

It’s the same as having a really good friend listening to your idea or having a life partner who is there to understand all your crazy thoughts. Thanks for this, I feel much better..

No longer alone…